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next map is de_awptopia (05 Oct 2005 at 00:21)

I have been playing a lot of Counter-Strike recently, I guess just because it's one of the few multiplayer FPS games that it's easy to find opponents in. Someone has made a "deathmatch" mod for it where instead of all that boring waiting and paying for weapons and planting bombs and stuff, you just spawn instantly with infinite money every time you die. This is hilariously great. It has helped me finally appreciate why people love the AWP so much, but at the same time, I think it has basically burned me out on the game. I mean, how many terrorists or counter-terrorists can you kill before concluding—like the great self-aware WOPR computer in the prescient Matthew Broderick film "WarGames" did—"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play?"

After getting bored tonight I tried to play a pacifist version of counter-strike deathmatch. Instead of shooting those terrorists, I tried to convince all players that we had had enough fighting, and to get them to cooperate towards a common goal. I figured, perhaps it is not "terrorist" versus "counter-terrorist" but "freedom fighter wearing desert fatigues" versus "freedom fighter wearing SWAT body armor," in which case, isn't what we really want in the end just freedom? And since we are trapped forever within the strangely cyclic streets of de_dust2, perhaps an acceptable substitute for true freedom would be to demonstrate mastery of our environment, even if through the cruelly destructive Edward-Scissorhands appendages of our AK-47s and deagles? Perhaps by, you know, painstakingly shooting every barrel in the entire level until it winds up at the Counter-terrorist—ahem—"freedom fighter" spawn point?

The picture above shows my small success: I was able to free every barrel in the level (except for one which was thoroughly stuck inside a car) and get them all to the center by shooting and shooting them. Those other freedom fighters, perhaps misunderstanding my intentions, did kill me hundreds upon hundreds of times in the process. Some joined in—that is, I definitely saw some guys shooting at barrels and tires, but they might just have been trying to shoot me and missing. No matter. de_barrelworld: pwned! Why didn't the department of homeland security think of that?

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mike (toplap.me.cmu.edu) – 10.05.05 10:13:52

I'll be the first to say it: You have entirely too much time on your hands. Not only did you do this... you spent the time to chronicle every detail of it. Kudos.

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Andrew (yale128036074100.student.yale.edu) – 10.05.05 10:58:44

I've been playing Battlefield 2. Well, not too much lately. But it is fun, although there are not quite as many barrels.

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Tom 7 (gs82.sp.cs.cmu.edu) – 10.05.05 12:59:07

It occurs to me now that the uncooperativeness of the other freedom fighters might have been due to the symbolic meaning of moving all of the barrels into the USA spawn point. That is, that what I really, subconsciously meant by "work together towards a common goal" was "take all of your oil except for the stuff that's stuck in that one car."

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Stephen (c-24-131-70-211.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) – 10.05.05 13:12:52

Ah, I miss counterstrike. My desktop should be working again soon though. Maybe I'll help with the barrel arrangement once that happens.

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Tom 7 (gs82.sp.cs.cmu.edu) – 10.05.05 15:17:39

Mike, everybody has the same amount of time.

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jcreed (wittgenstein.wv.cc.cmu.edu) – 10.05.05 16:42:54

Yes, it's just that some people spend it more wisely.

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jcreed (wittgenstein.wv.cc.cmu.edu) – 10.05.05 16:43:06

e.g. Barrels

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mike (toplap.me.cmu.edu) – 10.06.05 10:19:51

Some people have more of it on thier hands, others keep it in other places.

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Tom 7 (h-72-244-70-244.phlapafg.dynamic.covad.net) – 10.06.05 11:11:07

I keep mine in my pants.

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Max (ce-web3.wesleyan.edu) – 10.06.05 14:54:45

Hey now you can have a really sexy pickup line that goes, "I have time in my pants. Can I have some in yours?"

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Tom 7 (h-72-244-70-244.phlapafg.dynamic.covad.net) – 10.06.05 19:26:25

Good idea, Max. I will try this one out soon.

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Arthur (ctwboo101.ctw.utwente.nl) – 10.07.05 02:52:54

It's a classic!

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FARINA00 (host226-98.pool8536.interbusiness.it) – 10.07.05 06:46:33

Ah, the memories! I remember going around for maps of Wolfenstein:Enemy Territory with the "Adolf Gandhi" nickname. My goal was to convince both the axies and the allies to construct all the constructable buildings in a certain "ruined city" map, to further peacefully inhabit it. Just in case, I equipped a flamethrower.

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Tom 7 (h-72-244-70-244.phlapafg.dynamic.covad.net) – 10.07.05 07:36:47

nice, Farina!

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jcreed (wittgenstein.wv.cc.cmu.edu) – 10.07.05 12:33:04

In world war II, the axis powers hated it when their enemies taunted them and called them "axies".

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