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I WROTE A HIT SONG (27 Jul 2008 at 17:57)
Hey what's uuuup. Sometimes I get sad or whatever and the two best kinds of therapy for me are running and super-introspective attempts at dark songwriting. (Example: Quad Emotional Damage) Because here's what happens: I struggle to write sad-times sounding crybaby music and hurt or hurtful lyrics and I find out that I usually can't do it, or if I "succeed" that I don't even mean it and then the song is really just commentary on my strange self-punishing desire to feel bad and to put myself in the situation where I'm trying to write a song in order to express some kind of mean emotion I don't have, which also happens when I run really hard and that makes me feel bad for a different physical reason, and I shout "FUCK" and then I just feel like an idiot. Except with the songwriting, then at the end of the day I have a song which makes me feel better not just because I've kind of dealt with something in this neat metacircular way, but because I made something and that act is something that always makes me feel satisfied, 100% of the time without fail.

Today that song is Theme from Loss. If you are not up on your chess metaphors, this song might seem meaner than it is.

As of today I believe I'm in the best physical condition I've ever been in my life, by the way, because I'm training to run the San Francisco Marathon next Sunday. Is anyone else going to be there?
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Scott/Graue (70.179.119.114) – 07.27.08 22:41:56
It sounds like you had a breakup recently. ::hugs::, if you do that kind of thing.

I think I know what you mean, although you successfully confused me, which was probably your intent. You vent your anger and once you've done so, it all feels kind of silly.

And good luck in the marathon. I am definitely not to be there, but I do want to start jogging every day again, to be in tip-top shape, as you are. You are an inspiration to me.
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Tom 7 (67.100.131.104) – 07.27.08 22:59:04
No, not a breakup. Weirder than that. Nonetheless, I appreciate the concerns and well-wishes.

I dunno if I can claim to be in tip-top shape, but it is a personal best, at least. Still, I'm happy to inspire anybody to do any positive thing!!
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Max (129.133.142.167) – 07.28.08 09:26:00
Nice song. I've gotten into running recently too, but I'm still overdependent on incredibly awesome running megamixes for energy.
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Tom 7 (128.237.229.171) – 07.28.08 11:02:28
Yeah, it is one of the best ways to listen to music. I wish my shuffle didn't keep breaking.
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mike (67.100.131.92) – 07.28.08 19:48:43
Maybe your shuffle breaks because your music is a little too awesome. Maybe you should listen to more Coldplay.
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Mike Kenny (146.115.26.58) – 07.28.08 22:57:37
oh interesting. i've heard of a psychologist intentionally telling his patients not to disclose certain things, because they would tend to disobey him, and disclose, which is what he wanted. maybe you're telling a part of yourself 'be more sad' and it's similarly disobeying.

i wonder if that strategy would work for sports performance. 'i want to feel more tired than i am,' the athlete said to himself, and his body disobeyed.
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Tom 7 (67.100.131.92) – 07.29.08 01:32:48
mm: Oh, low blow. I admit a guilty pleasure in "See you Soon" and a handful of other songs. But, you've got way more last.fm Coldplays than me!

mk: Heh, well, sometimes brutal self-criticism does work in a small way (you've probably seen the stereotype of someone sweating at the gym uttering to himself, "You suck, you wimp," etc.) but unfortunately I think the fatigue effect is substantially more physiological there than in emotion wrecks and therapy sessions!
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mike kenny (208.64.115.199) – 07.29.08 08:33:38
yeah, i think in a lot of cases you're right. but i do wonder if we mix up emotional with physical fatigue in some performance circumstances. if you're running a marathon, i'm guessing this isn't a huge problem for you! good luck!
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Tom 7 (128.237.229.171) – 07.29.08 10:53:12
For me it remains to be determined, I think. :)
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