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Winter Vacation 2016 (29 Feb 2016 at 18:02)
Go ahead and blame the victim, but my head is covered in epic scales of sun-burn, which dead-ass skin also seems to have absorbed the entirety of the sun-tan, so these large size dry-ass patches are substantially darker than the enreddened prematurely newborn skin beneath as it peels, and it's peeling in these interlobing elliptic scales, so that my forehead looks like I accidentally forgot to finish my human makeup, outing my true reptilian shapeshifter form. It's kind of gross. I know how to use sunscreen and everything, at least I'd claim that, knowing that I totally sprayed it on all parts, then wiped it with my hands to get even in the secret spots where sun-burn can penetrate, like the sensitive inner lining of the eyelids. In fact I'd say it's pretty good proof of proper use that the sunburn is fully uniform, absent only in the contours where the body in running pose shades itself, like the undersides of my now terrifyingly highlighted pectoral muscles. Due to the uninterrupted and voluminous shedding I have vowed to not commit any crimes where I could be implicated by reptilian DNA evidence, for the next few days.

Same sun as always toasts us, but this one was from the vantage point of the tiny island in the Carribbean, Curaçao. I still can't figure out if it's technically a country or not, but if so it's surely the smallest country I've ever been in. We went there for vacation and I burned myself running across its girth, at approximately its widest part, the first time I've run across the girth of a thing that may be a country at approximately its widest part, unlocking that achievement.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
Ran across a thing that ...


(Running may be an overstatement, though—the north parts are pretty remote, there was no shade, and I ran out of water, so I did plenty of walking so as not to hurt myself.) Even though Curaçao is an island and gets lots of sea-mist, it's basically a desert, sort of like an inverted oasis for the ocean itself. On my run it was comically hot and dry, like literally there were dead dry-ass cactuses and dead dry-ass buzzards (probably not actually buzzards, but I imagined them as buzzards for comic purposes) and dead dry-ass skeletal apocalypse horses, e.g.,

...
...


The north coast is super beautiful and a great payoff, though. It's this tall coral embankment that's being eaten away by the waves from the underside, which eventually causes reptilian scales to disintegrate from the coral, exposing caves and giant tidal pools, like so:

These could be anywhere beneath your feat
These could be anywhere beneath your feat


A full account of the trip would take more space than this tiny margin could contain (but seriously, isn't it also getting kind of funny how narrow this page is, by 2016 standards? I haven't changed the design since Stalkertron 2000 launched in Y2K, but somehow this has not stemmed the tide of ever-widening screens. But it may have made me mobile-optimized.), and most of it was very pleasant exploring and relaxing and programming and normal touristy stuff. There were a few other miscellaneous things that delighted me, though:

First, the language(s). It seems everyone there speaks 3 or 4 languages, which is impressive, and signs sort of switch fluidly between them. For example, one sign (NO PHOTO) reads:

Boat tours of
the both sides
of de island


Perfectly intelligible, and to be clear this is an expression of my delight, not making fun (especially since I barely speak one human language), but wha? It was just four words ago that you demonstrated knowledge (if not quite mastery) of the definite article in English! And I know you already know this, but Dutch is so funny to English speakers, seeming on signs to mostly be lolcats or earnest typos of English, like news of the impending "Elekshon", or this delightful specimen:


"Let op! Drempels"


OMG ♥. My next band will be called Drempels. Then there is their currency, normal except for the 1/100 guilder coin, approximately worth one-half US cent. It's so minuscule and lightweight as to be classified as an inhalation hazard:

Use only NIOSH N95 or equivalent
Use only NIOSH N95 or equivalent


And finally, ruminate on this survey machine found outside the bathroom in the airport terminal (and note that the need for a survey machine may give you hints about the expected answers).

Again note hints of reptilian conspiracy.
Again note hints of reptilian conspiracy.


But to simplify the rumination, imagine that it just has a single frowny face button, that just says "Please touch this button if you are one of the people who just went in a really unclean bathroom" or perhaps just: "Did you wash your hands? Y/N"
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Adam Goode (12.6.56.101) – 02.29.16 23:35:47
Drempels
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milsyobtaf (c-66-31-16-157.hsd1.ma.comcast.net) – 03.01.16 09:10:50
Went to high school with a handful of Curaçaoans. Totally a country, so congrats! And Papiamentu is one of the craziest and most melodic languages ever, although I've never actually seen it written down.
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N7DOT (159.191.162.254) – 03.02.16 16:13:58
"These could be anywhere beneath your feat"

I think I found a grammatical error (and not of the "forgetting which language is which" kind...)
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Anonymous (c-69-245-52-20.hsd1.tn.comcast.net) – 03.02.16 23:11:22
Well, he was performing a feat (running across an entire country) where the photo was taken, so in a sense the caption is quite correct.
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N7DOT (159.191.162.254) – 03.03.16 14:52:12
Well if it was intentional, then nicely done...
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VirginiaBeachBrad (ip98-183-147-62.hr.hr.cox.net) – 03.16.16 22:50:32
Unfortunately the reason for this comment has nothing to do with your vacation, although I really enjoyed reading your post. It reminded me of friend who visited Curacao back around 2003 or so and we were both in our early 20's. She came back after a week and could not remember any of her trip, and she spent a whole week recovering. She did remember to bring back several disposable cameras which ended highlighting some entertaining parts of her trip which she probably wished she had not remembered.

Anyway, back to the reason for my post. I am the creator of the app PikPark. While searching through font types to use in my app I came across "Two turtle Doves" on dafont.com. From what I found it appeared to be free to use, if I am wrong please let me know. I did not see a pay or donate link on dafont.com. I did however come across your site, which is the reason for leaving this comment. I also made a contribution to a non-profit organization, which was requested by other font contributors. I chose the Gary Sinise Foundation.

Thanks for creating such cool and creative fonts. If you have an newer iPhone or iPad you can download the app for free on the iTunes App Store and see your art at work. https://itunes.apple.com/dm/app/pikpark-create-share-rock/id821902857?mt=8 . The images are quite large when saved, and will make the app crash when used on a iPhone4 or iPad2.

If you download the app and like it feel free to help me spread the word. I could definitely use some help with that at the moment. Thank you for your time. -Brad
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